Am I "Americanized"?

I have never had identity crisis until recently my Japanese friend Yoshi ran into me on campus when I sneaked into the forestry building to play piano. 

"You are Americanized!" He shouted out loud as I showed off my long dark hair that had not been trimmed for a year and a half. "Your hair is just long, but not stylish" Coming from Tokyo, Yoshi couldn't help but commented on my hair.

I was stunned. For the past six months, I have been hanging out with mostly Americans since I graduated and started rock climbing like crazy. Nobody would comment on my hair except saying that it's cute and pretty. I have totally forgotten how Asians would perceive me differently if I am just who I am.

I went to the barbershop the next day and got a haircut immediately. I also got red highlights and weirdly enough, I felt super "me" after I got the cut, though it was a wake-up call from a friend.

So how else am I Americanized? And is being Asian or being American more like being myself? I am confused. 

I looked at my old pictures and found a group photo of my girl friends and I 2.5 years ago when I first got my bob haircut and red highlights, I was a senior in college. 

(June, 2010, Taipei, Taiwan)

I was extremely adequate. I had several solid friend groups that share different interests with me- outdoors, arts, environmental issues, life...I had my family around, a boyfriend, and a cat. I got my college degree, traveled around the island, volunteered, worked and yeah, 

I was ready to explore the world. 

But little did I know that I am also exploring myself in a different culture. I love connections, and growing up in a gregarious culture I always come to know myself better through relating to others. This is very different from a lot of people I met in the US, where people tend to find themselves through solitude-doing things by themselves. 

I friend people that have similar pursuits in life. As it turns out, most of my friends now are predominantly white Americans (It's Washington). The more I hang out with my friends, the more that I adopt some of their values as we share thoughts on various things. I am confident as who I am, but I open myself to others and allow myself to be shaped.  

(December, 2012, Aspen, Colorado)

So I am "Americanized". I picked up American accent, I bike, I go out, drink and dance, I do outdoors, I grill food more than I steam or stir-fry, I am hugely happy for Sally Jewell to be nominated as Secretary of Interior, I wrote, advocate and fundraise for Washington's great outdoors, I party I bullshit I flirt with boys and gossip with girls.

I work American jobs. I have taken on a job with Environment Washington to do door to door canvassing. All my coworkers are boys and four of them are around my age. I gradually picked up the way they talk as everyday they walk into the office ("What's up dude?") and would occasionally fight/play with each other (and with me?) and make stupid jokes. I am part of the crew now. 

“Culture is an identity of any person, if you lose your culture there’s no identity of you,” said Shamim, a 24-year old girl in Kalasha village, a minority tribe in Northern Pakistan. 

I skype my grandma in Taiwanese. I make Asian food and I never buy cheese and drink smoothie. I love looking at pictures my friends posted on FB of the mountains they climb, the rivers they trace, places they travel to and people they are dating or even when some of them are having babies. I work hard, save money, and maintain a good relationship with my mentors, family, and friends in Taiwan. I cannot afford losing these connections.

So if keeping my Taiwanese identity and becoming more American is not a conflict, what does that entail?

My room is adorned with posters of Taiwan and Washington, and postcards from my Taiwanese and American friends. I read both Taiwanese and American news articles. I enjoy both English and Mandarin books. I talk to myself sometimes in English and sometimes in Mandarin or Taiwanese. I wear Asian-style clothing in a casual way that blends into the Northwest fashion. I listen to Taiwanese folk/pop/rock and various American music.

"Becoming Americana" is a book written by a Mexican woman who immigrated to America as a kid, grew up in an immigration community, and went to UCLA where she became friends with middle-class white kids and eventually dated and got married to a white boy. She diligently pursued an "American life", broke through obstacles and struggled to meet expectations from two cultures while being and finding herself.

But she immigrated, by default she had to go through "Americanization". So far America has not given me a choice, and by the end of the year I have to decide to leave or stay. This is a country of opportunities and uncertainties. Pursuing dreams is challenging, but fun, and I like it. Continuing my exploration of American life and outdoors does not mean I have to be American, but it seems to come hand in hand as I gradually realize it. 

I wanna continue my exploration of the world and myself. The world can wait, but mid 20s is when I'd like to have an idea of where I'm going later in life. I embrace all the opportunities I have in order to break through my transition. At the same time, I want to have the biggest fun with those that share a moment, a summer, or perhaps a lifetime in the beautiful American West.