Sunday, March 23, 2014

服貿省思,給父母的信

首先,我要說明我沒有太多資格討論服貿。留美三年,我和台灣社會有一定程度的脫節。大學畢業就來美國念研究所,研究所畢業就在這裡求職,到現在雇主在幫我申請工作簽證...可以說台灣大學生畢業後求職的惶恐,加班加到死,薪水又不調漲,還要看老闆臉色做事的過程我都沒經歷到。只能片面地從身邊高學歷又工作勤奮的朋友們得知。

然後大家到今天都依然跟我說: 能留在美國就先留,台灣給年輕人的工作環境真的不好。

服貿的問題,我想從個人的角度出發。協議本身可能帶來本土經濟的衝擊,以及法定程序上的漏洞 的文章多有,且我的了解深度也不足以論之,所以就不在此多談。

我想談的是為什麼年輕人要上街頭。我親愛的表姊仰薰在立法院過她26歲的生日; 加上幾乎所有高中大學的朋友們都在臉書上波大大小小的文章,還有難得和好友郁婷聊skype她第一句話就是無助地哀嚎: 毓琪怎麼辦? 大人那一輩的都覺得我們發神經。

為甚麼? 因為我,以及我身邊許多朋友們成長的家庭都是台灣的中產階級。咱中產階級的父母從無到有,順著台灣的經濟起飛,在他們那一輩,努力念書,努力經營,畢業後就有工作機會,待遇也不錯到讓他們存款一陣子就可以成家,生小孩,送我們到念大學甚至研究所外加好幾年的補習家教學才藝的開銷。所謂"財團"供幾許多這些中產階級父母從年輕到中老年的薪資福利,他們只要順著台灣國民黨政府以及掌握主體經濟的"財團"要走的方向好好努力,就可以獲取社會上的資源。

而我,以及身邊許多台灣的"菁英"的朋友,都可以說是資源的獲利者,承自我們的長輩。今天長輩們不懂的,是為什麼我們不能努力在社會上證明自己有能力,在現有體制下找到機會,而要上街頭抗議政府圖利財團,出賣台灣給中國,而不仔細思量對我們本土社會和經濟的衝擊。

父母們沒想到的,是我們這些孩子因為受到良好的教育,我們省思社會,我們有機會去看見台灣,真正愛上了台灣的本土。我們創造出不同於中國的大眾文化,發掘少眾文化的美。我們體驗台灣美麗的高山,海岸線和島嶼,愛上我們的大自然。我們要稱台灣為"我的國家",我們要一個屬於我們的時代,一個不是靠製造業,生產線,重開發,犧牲自然環境的時代。

我們要真正的自由平等,真正的民主,真正的尊重讓我們去突破體制,而非和體制妥協。

成長的過程中有多少機會給我們think outside of the box? 以我個人的經驗,不是到美國才真正感受的甚麼叫做自由。在課堂上你可以自由思考發揮,在工作場域,老闆會問你的意見,即使是公司的大決策,都是要被討論,年輕人有新觀點,懂新科技,公司僱用你是要你的新血新腦袋,不是要把你框在一個體制下壓榨到死然後裁員。

我朝九晚五,周五到了四點老闆還叫我回家去運動休息,還有安排員工滑雪日。更感人的是為了工作簽證辦理的條件要求,老闆還同意在我拿到工作簽證後幫我加20%的薪。而我只是幫一個在地的非營利組織工作,全公司只有六個人。這樣的待遇跟那些來微軟的工程師或是去製藥公司的旅美華僑比其實不算甚麼,他們的待遇更好。

即使香港新加坡。一些地理系畢業的學長姊留外之後要找教職,要不就留在美國,要不就去香港新加坡,都是因為優於台灣好幾倍的待遇。近期更有聽說到中國工作的。

台灣留得下甚麼? 請問長輩,財團,政府,台灣的未來是誰的? 你們在幫誰想? 年輕人要甚麼你們有沒有問過? 有沒有傾聽? 有沒有協助我們在困難的大環境下突破體制找到屬於我們的出路?

沒有,你們要把我們框在你們辛苦建立的體制下,因為這是"為你好"。

創造性思考從此開始。服貿是個很好的對話機會。學生們在想甚麼,請仔細去聽,請有更多的同理心,了解我們的大環境,只有給年輕人自由思考的機會,我們才能培養屬於自己的競爭力,屆時,再怎麼開放,有幾個中國我們都能更有能力應對,找到自己的路。

美國的年輕人面臨來自世界各地的壓力,政府除了傷腦筋要怎麼培養他們數學和自然科的教育,就是鼓勵他們找尋自己的方向,然後給他們好的環境去創新,創造。華州年輕人面臨的壓力是許多優秀的亞裔和東歐學生,政府做的不是保護(因為他們也要圖利財團讓微軟等大科技公司能容易地雇用外籍學生),他們思考更多元的教育,鼓勵更多元的求職方向。我在這裡遇到許多年輕人各有所志,他們父母不會養小孩,所以他們都要自己努力工作,但幾乎都可以做自己想做的事,找到喜歡又可以養自己的工作(因為工作機會多元,美國做甚麼都有賺錢的機會,但甚麼也都要付錢才有就是了)。

此外,在西雅圖許多非營利及營利組織,包括我所服務的西雅圖公園基金會,許多工作的項目就是去協助傳達大眾的聲音給政府,或是相反。至少在這裡,民主真正落實,各式各樣的聲音你想表達都有協助你的管道,政府不會坐視不管,政府的決策是反映社會大眾所期盼的走向。

最後,親愛的長輩,我們愛你,但求給我們機會,讓本土青年發聲,吸引人才回流,創造新台灣。

Sunday, January 26, 2014

紐約男孩

西城男孩的故事都還沒寫完轉眼間就2014了! 我和伊若有似無的曖昧其實早在去年暑假就完結了XD 伊和我朋友去攀岩一次,我也和他的朋友外出一次。中間他幫我搬家,還記得他穿的藍色薄衫配白長褲真的很有型>///< 去年八月和高中同學宇評還有老弟去華州東部露營郊遊居然還撞見許久不見的他,和一個高大的金髮男孩還有一群攀岩浪子在德國香腸鋪喝啤酒聊天...

後來才知道他的心還在流浪,在岩崖邊,山腳下,大提琴弦裡,還有他即將展開的博士班生涯。

但二十幾歲的我們誰不在流浪呢? 我一個人在美國自己找工作經營生活,哪一個年輕的美國人能比我更漂泊? 真正在流浪的可能都在國外吧。 美國人喜歡獨立,但他們不懂的,是在與身邊志同道合的人建立交集下保有獨立思考和生活的道理。他們的獨立,是以自我為中心的極端個人主義(當然不是每個人)。二十幾歲的年輕人,尤其是男孩,很少有能力可以打點好自己的生活,交友,工作,和喜好,又可以經營好與身邊的人的情誼的。

包括在我25歲生日遇到的紐約男孩。

還記得那天,2013年九月,我喝的微醺,和幾個朋友來到一個麥可傑克森舞會,一進舞廳我整個人就心情雀躍,遇見每個人都打招呼,告訴大家我今天生日,得到了幾個擁抱與數個歡樂的生日快樂。然後我看見艾,整個人不知怎麼得就被吸引過去,然後就跟對所有人一樣,跟他自爆說今天是我生日。他說生日快樂! 我問他叫甚麼名字,跟他說我朋友在那邊,然後就逕自跑去跟我朋友跳舞。

我跳得滿身大汗,還拉幾個朋友跑到舞台上,然後回到舞台下,拉著艾跟他跳了一下。

"ㄟ請我喝一杯!" 我大膽地跟艾說,當他走到吧台前。他說好,問我要不要龍舌蘭酒的shot. 我說好。他穿了牛仔褲,配一件藍色的薄長袖,跟他的藍眼睛好搭。一般西北太平洋男生的穿著都是偏好格子衫,艾的打扮讓我眼睛一亮。我們兩個一起乾了龍舌蘭酒,他問我要不要去外頭透透氣,當時相當酒酣耳熱的我,大聲肯定地說了好。

他把我拉到場外,沒說幾句話就抱著我的腰當街熱吻。後來有朋友跟我說,她當時在那間舞廳的場外看到兩個人在熱吻,覺得那個男的很帥,看到女的發現是我嚇了一大跳,心想: 幹得好阿凱利..

後來得知艾是紐約人,微軟管理階層的工程師,是典型的大都會男孩。衣食講究,生活有品味,少了大自然的曠野氣息,沒有太多戶外運動的喜好。他沒有工程師貫有的宅氣,個性深沉又活潑,極度聰明,思想開放,但是典型的rich white kid. 花錢不眨眼(也賺很多就是了),喜好刺激性高的藝術文化音樂節慶,靜不太下來,就像紐約。

對於在西北太平洋生活了三年,身邊都是曠野人的我,艾讓我看到一種不同的生活態度。他有西岸人沒有的拘謹,也有一般"定不下來"的年輕人的活力,一種崇向無拘無束無法拿捏甚麼叫在乎的感情觀。

艾說我們現在在"約會"。但我們一兩個禮拜見一次面,各自從事自己喜好的事物,沒有太多交集卻對彼此有興趣的詭異狀態。那天我帶艾去韓國超市買菜,我問他要不要一起做飯,他說不,他要回家練習好再說。我不免沮喪,感覺他不想花時間和我相處。

隔天他傳了他做好的菜的照片給我。

這大概是我身邊會遇到數一數二難懂的人。他不加我臉書,加了我專業網絡,卻在隔天馬上退出。但他善解人意,能陪我談心講一兩個小時的電話,他喜歡的是我做我自己,然後我給他空間做他自己。

所以我,ㄜ,就做我自己。有或沒有也無法有太多的在乎,二十幾歲的漂泊人生,沒有能一起成長的對象也不用強求。我2014的計畫裡沒有他 (因為在美國每個人的計畫都是自己,是很自我很自我的文化...),但心裡是有的。就順其自然吧~


Saturday, December 21, 2013

An early new year's resolution 2013/2014

Everyone knows Kelly got a job and hence she is now staying in Seattle, working, climbing, and being somewhat happy. Her bright smile photos on facebook, yup that's her.

Yes indeed job has been a huge reason why Kelly is still in Seattle. The world is so big, with so many awesome places to explore. Besides home, why should one feel obligated to stay in a city where you've been wondering the whole time whether it's the right place for you. And no, there's no answer. It's just a matter of time, and let's just say Seattle's right for Kelly for now.

I really really love my job. I went on a staff retreat on Whidbey Island the second week I came on. I've been accruing vacation days- one day every two week. I have health insurance. I work Monday to Friday 9-5 for the most part- I have total free time outside of regular work hours. I get paid decent enough to live a one-person life. I'm learning web management, managing our website and social media and feeling like a genius cuz I've never been tech-savvy. I do daily gift entry, which is kinda tedious, but I create thank you letters to donors at the end of the day and am loving the immediate tangible result. I have had interesting bonding moments with my coworkers, when three of us sat down and cried together about our frustrations in our lives.

I shared with them my frustrations-my constant struggle with different cultural expectation, and the fact that I wanna meet them all and it's impossible. My coworker shared her frustration of not being able to be creative anymore in her life, and we both have recently falling in love with Julia Cameron, who can inspire those who seek art in life, and how to be creative with small random things that make us happy.

(calligraphy is my new/old creative thing to do that makes me happy and glad to have some new friends to share this with!)

This happens when you get too caught up with work, or other priorities. For me, it's climbing. When my parents visited me in November, they pointed out that climbing has taken up so much time and energy in my life that I don't seem happy(calm and peaceful) and healthy (balanced and well-rested). They encouraged me to diversify my activities. I didn't care much until I was told, by an engineer friend, that my leisure time is structured.

I was really shocked. I consider myself relatively free-spirited and open-minded who can allow oneself to be shaped in various ways, so I can be able to navigate myself in a totally different part of the world. But he's right (and how can I ever be called structured by an engineer!). Ever since I got out of school, adventures, or outdoor adventures have become a huge priority cuz of the folks I exposed myself to, and in some ways, I might have believed that I can bond with them better than people who have other priorities.

I was wrong. My brother doesn't climb, my cousin doesn't climb, I have tons of friends that have different priorities and I still love hanging out with them in their, or our ways. Say if I have 10 elements in my life, climbing is just one, but why am I not spending more time doing other things?

It is not to say I regret that I climbed a ton. There is huge value in being able to concentrate and do one thing really well. But if I am structured to feel like I have to do something, or I have to be really strong and a good climber so I can climb more, I need to stop. Climbing, just like everything else in life, should be fun, not something that might stress me out.

My brother advised me to just have fun with everything outside of work. He said I work hard enough and that I am facing uncertainties still, with my life in the US, or even wherever I go, cuz I yearn to excel at things, that I need to learn how to just enjoy things and take things easy. Nobody's gonna die, like my boss always says. 

Thus I've diversified my priorities, and guess what I'm super happy. Smart people tend to make intentional decisions to structure their lives in a certain way, but I want to make an intentional effort to think and live outside the box.

I wanna allow more changes, more cultures, more kinds of people, and more interesting things in my life. I wanna find things and people who would share my other elements in Seattle, just like that I had in Taipei.

I appreciate those who came out to visit me when my life was in a flux, you shared what you saw on me, changes, emotions, struggles, and everything personal that was essential but wasn't shared with others. I appreciate those who value me the way I am, and help me grow to be a more wholesome individual, and share the passion to do meaningful things in life.

My boss has recently agreed to sponsor me a work visa. I cannot imagine anything more generous then that. It is more about the visa and the fee, but the way they see value in me, or our relationship, is beyond nationality, cultural differences, and really, anything. I believe there's a ton of Americans that can do my job, but it is the most hard, to find the right person at the right time. I am in a good place.

My new year resolution is to not have an engineer call me structured anymore in anyway lol In three hour I am flying to Jamaica and will be in Colombia for new years. 

I'm going to party like real hard, like a subtropical islander out of the freezing cold air in Seattle. Be free. 

Happy new year :))))



Sunday, September 8, 2013

岩情

真正喜歡上攀岩是來美國念研究所之後。但只要有人問起,我一定說開始攀岩是在台灣。

台灣有攀岩嗎?常有美國人問起。我說有喔,北海岸有個岩場,岩壁就在海邊,很漂亮可也很熱,我一臉XD的表情,一邊翻出臉書開始秀出台灣岩友的照片。大家所熟悉的龍洞,往往令人驚豔。

慚愧的是在山社四年其實沒有認真攀過岩。我喜歡爬山走勘查溯溪看地圖找路。對於高強度耗力又費時的攀岩運動,卻始終興趣缺缺。還記得偶而會和同屆的加一兩光盈孝,還有學姊們儒雅雪怪一起上蘭州街,但總是三腳貓功夫,感覺已經盡力了,卻總是不得其門而入。

我在西雅圖念碩士的第二年,因為森林系班上戶外咖多,身旁攀岩者不少,學校又有岩場,加上趕論文壓力大,就把自己餘下的精力都投入攀岩,做為日常運動兼紓壓管道。

我回想起大學時參加的初岩,學長姐教我要如何用腳尖踩點,如何把手臂打直...我就這樣一個人在華大的岩場練抱石,從v2練到v3,然後遇到了一個暑期來交換的科羅拉多女孩咪咪,身為台灣裔美國人的她和我相談甚歡。在華大冷淡的岩場裡,我們是少數會互相打招呼的新岩友。

咪咪把我帶到了西雅圖最大的抱石場-Seattle Bouldering Project.自此我正式進入了西雅圖的攀岩圈,踏上許多戶外攀登的旅程,也交了許多朋友。我在那裏從v3練到了v5,西雅圖秋冬陰雨的天氣,很適合宅在室內岩場攀岩。

啟發我在異國從事戶外攀登的是猶他州的蘭波兄弟。在我畢業那年暑假,我踏上了一個人遊闖美西的旅程,從猶他州,科羅拉多,到懷俄明,我靠著找共乘伙伴搭灰狗巴士當沙發客等等,一個人去冒險。蘭波兄弟(萊恩和李德) 是我在鹽湖城遇到的兩位熱情的攀岩高手。相較於在西雅圖大家都很獨立喜歡各做各的的文化,猶他州的岩友們熱情許多-蘭波兄弟倆各帶我去爬了一天不同區塊的戶外岩場,他們鼓勵我多從事,並告訴我可以透過一個叫Mountain Project的網站找繩伴。


對呀,我剛搬來這裡,我哥手受傷,我就自己到那個網站天天波文找人一起爬岩。很厲害的李德蘭波說。

這對我一個在國外自己踏入攀岩領域的女孩子來說,是一大鼓勵。我開始相信自己爬得還可以,居然有這麼厲害的高手願意帶我爬。萊恩蘭波的室友在得知我要前往博爾德, 科羅拉多時,還主動幫我聯絡他的高中朋友奈德,說他也攀岩,甚至可以讓我借宿他家。


奈德很熱情歡迎我,我在和他碰面之前,先在附近的運動用品的買了一個寶藍色的吊帶,心情相當雀躍。沒想到奈德還幫我帶了一條吊帶,說今天要和他老闆第一次一起爬,我來的正是時候。我被帶到了Boulder Canyon一處岩壁,結果奈德的50多歲的老闆居然是攀岩老手,當他lead一條5.11的路線時,我和奈德都望塵莫及。那天傍晚我們到一處溪谷旁裸浴,後來發現那是許多戶外攀登者無論州別的習性。



回到華州後我不但持續去西雅圖抱石場報到,也透過網路以及抱石場找到許多可以一起出遊攀岩的夥伴。我踏遍華州各處的戶外岩場,也在今年年初到了奧瑞岡州著名的Smith Rock,還有暑期去的加拿大的Squamish。找到穩定工作後,好友也鼓勵我自己買裝備,帶我深入攀岩境界,從運動攀登慢慢嘗試傳統攀登,甚至在今年夏天我在加拿大嘗試了人生第一條Multipitch.


美國的岩石質地路線特質多元,身在華州可以上加拿大或下奧瑞岡的國際攀岩聖地是一大優勢。可惜華州本身西部多雨,可以爬的季節有限。文化上,大家也都是有一兩位繩伴就會自己去爬,不像是在猶他或是台灣大伙比較會揪人同行。

拓展攀登國際視野固然美好,但偶而看到這裡碩大的河川就會懷念台灣可以溯的小溪流。在美國只有在岩石國度有Canyoneering-類似台灣的溯溪活動,但幾乎只限定在猶他州可行。此外,這裡河川流行的極限運動就是泛舟,雖有趣但少了攀岩的成分。


更懷念的是台灣的攀岩朋友。很高興過了這麼多年,喜歡玩石頭的捧友們都還堅持所好,也很高興自己投入了這項有趣的活動,認識了許多喜歡山水的朋友,也和舊朋友建立更深的交集。攀岩是種癮,戒不了的。


 

Monday, August 26, 2013

西城男孩--二

說巧不巧,伊選在我大崩潰那天邀我吃飯。

當時的我身兼三職,白天在一個保育機構實習,晚上當服務生,週間回家後+週末還在幫一個博士生做助理研究。此外,每天申請工作,到了二月初,我大概已經申請了120個工作之多。累積了許多面試經驗後,加上出席了許多求職場合,我當時有兩個工作搶進大概前五個候選人。我默默地抱持著一點希望。

但我沒被選上。一天之內被兩個雇主拒絕,當天在餐廳擦桌子和摺餐巾,不知道這樣看人臉色賺小費的灰姑娘日子還有多久,也看不著堅持環境保育的這條路,還可以走多遠。撐到快下班時,眼淚一滴滴地留下。

我奔出餐廳門口,拿起手機,開始打給我身邊最好最親近的朋友。我在大馬路上一邊講一邊哭,也只有跟我最好的朋友才知道,找不到工作,我美國也待不下去,而回台灣,這條路也不知道好不好走。畢業之後找到環境領域工作的(或者更專的說是社區保育),在台灣我還沒聽說過,在美國的台灣留學生圈子也是未聞。這條路,要我自己開。

伊就在我百感交集、對自己在美國的生活最無助沮喪的時刻打來。「嘿,你好嗎?」他說。「我ok阿,甚麼事?」但我其實一點也不好,我告訴他我正要搭上公車去攀岩場。「其實我是想問你要不要一起吃晚餐。」他說。我錯愕了,情緒紊亂的我當下只想去抱石紓壓,還沒想到晚餐,也沒有心裡準備跟伊坦誠自己現在經歷的一切。

「ㄟ...不然我先去攀岩場,跟你碰面之後再說。」

「那,所以你是要攀岩還是要吃飯?」哇咧,你是在逼我做決定,我當下想了想,攀岩每天都可以爬,或許去約個會吃個晚餐心情會好起來。

「好吧,你來接我,我在三街和Union街的交叉口。」他笑了,說好。

我在接下來的五分鐘內把眼淚收乾,又趁機多打了一通電話給一個朋友。上了他的車,我們稍微談了一下生活,我提到爸媽都在台灣,可是我不想讓他們來看到我現在身兼三職崩潰的過渡期。「但你看起來過得很好阿!」因為他看到的是我可以經常爬岩,去聽免費音樂會的一面。

我們回到他家。寫到這裡我爸媽可能要崩潰了(怎麼可以去男生家裡),但在美國約吃飯,不管是和朋友或是約會,我們這個年齡層的,在家裡吃都比在外面吃氣氛好,不用付稅付小費,有家常便飯的輕鬆自在,又可以趁機展現廚藝(通常是男生)。這樣的男孩子,通常可以期待他會把自己生活打理好,又有生活情趣。

「你必須要幫我,今天要來做法國麵包。」伊說。我兩眼睜大看著他拿出已經揉好的麵糰,然後教我要輕輕地把它揉長,我咋舌地一邊按照他的指示,一邊思考我究竟是陷入甚麼情況,人生抉擇之日,去留美國未知,卻在這裡做甚麼法國麵包。

大開眼界。我看著他把蛋黃搗云,抹在麵包上放入烤箱。聽到有人在樓下敲門。

「嗨伊! 嗨你好,我是羅思。」「嗨你好,我是何莉。」羅思是伊的弟弟,何莉則是他們從小就認識的鄰居兼好友,他們各給我一個熱情的擁抱。到了此刻,我的心情已經放鬆了大半。

接著伊拿出四塊魚片以及四張紙,說要剪成愛心的形狀,然後把魚和很香地醬料包在裡面。在美國男孩之中要會做菜,又是做魚料理的,大概是萬中選一。重點是,整個過程充滿趣味,我們四個人都玩得很愉快,比誰的愛心像愛心。

何莉和我聊了起來。「所以,你是哪裡人哪? 噢不,我應該問你爸媽是哪裡人?」

「我是台灣人。」我微笑著說。「天哪! 那你是幾歲來美國的?」我說兩年半前,來念書。「喔對阿,我也有去過台灣,就是我去越南教英文的時候...」

「在台灣轉機。」我接下去。「沒錯!聽說是好地方。」「對壓! 你改天一定要來,伊,你也要來。」我提到我念森林環境管理。「台灣也有森林嗎?」「是阿,我只記得看過東亞國家像是南韓的照片,都是都市叢林。」

「有的,台灣大約50%的國土是森林覆蓋喔! 不過其實很多台灣都市長大的小孩也不知道啦。」我說,不要傷了自詡很有國際觀的西雅圖青年自尊心。

後來在何莉的好奇心驅使之下,話題轉到我的簽證。她剛好在微軟的人事部門工作,每天都在處理國際員工的工作簽證問題。我只好把我目前找工作,換簽證,找願意贊助我辦理工作簽證的雇主等等依依說給她聽。還用自以為輕鬆的口吻,我還不想讓伊知道,我是在異鄉打拚的外國人。

西雅圖男孩已經普遍被動害羞,再讓他們知道我是外國人還有簽證問題,這些事情對感情的負擔太大,尤其是剛開始。誰要對一個可能隨時會走掉的人付出?

那也是我情感上最脆弱最需要支持的時期,我很小心地不讓伊踏近這塊領域,一有變數,我可能會加度崩潰。這是我該為自己好好努力的時候。感情的事,先相處愉快再說。

我們送走了何莉和羅思。伊和我坐在沙發上 (前面的桌上擺了一大本化學教科書,一大本食譜,攀岩雜誌,和零散的大師之作),看一些他在尼泊爾的照片和在華州爬山的照片。我那天整個開心起來,還讓他彈大提琴給我聽,吃飽喝足又被愉樂一番,整個很享受。

他要開車送我,我說沒幾步路,走回去就好(就這麼巧住在同一個社區)。回去的路上,我心裡一邊期待接下來和伊的相處,一邊整頓接下來工作和生活的對策。

我辭去了三職。接了一個更辛苦的工作,三月起,我開始在西雅圖冷雨夜裡穿梭大街小巷,挨家挨戶為森林保育募款。只有能把自己照顧好,才有餘力照顧和令一個人的感情。

工作行程日夜顛倒之後,我和伊幾乎沒在攀岩場遇過。我們斷斷續續地保持聯絡,終於有一次機會約到他和我朋友一起攀岩...








Sunday, August 25, 2013

西城男孩

認識一位西雅圖男孩的故事。

並不是豔遇,在溼冷西雅圖想要勁爆火辣很難。這裡天氣冷,文化也冷。人人禮貌相待,卻距離甚遠。即使興趣相投的人,也很難交朋友。一顆來自亞熱帶溫暖的心,如果不是靠幾個好朋友的滋養,不是耐住性子去理解這種緩慢建立交集的文化,很快就會結凍而封閉,隨著北國寒風一齊冷卻。

遇見伊就是在一個寒冷的冬夜,西雅圖一樣飄著冷雨,是我同時兼三個工作又在一邊申請工作的瘋狂時期。我一個禮拜幾乎天天去抱石場報到,靠著高強度的攀岩運動來紓解生活高壓。

那是一個週四的夜晚,我爬到忘記時間,一直待到十點多都已經爬不動了,因為好友愛咪還在,有伴,就多留一會多爬一些。我有點難看地從一條也不是很難的路線落下,然後擺了一個自嘲的臉。伊從一旁並不是很起眼得出現,主動向前,伸出他的手自我介紹:嗨,我是伊。

我回握他的手,露出我大剌剌的笑容說:嗨,我是凱利。

他並不高,在美國人裡面算矮,也沒有一般抱石男孩明顯的肌肉線條。他有點害羞,說話極度斯文,長得不錯好看。

我們聊了起來。他說他剛從國外旅居回國,在準備考華大的化學所博士班。我說:你是為了攀岩而旅行嗎?

我是為了音樂而旅行,伊說,淡淡的。

原來他是音樂家。前兩年在尼泊爾演奏兼教學爵士樂,最近又去了巴黎和古巴,都是為受音樂薰陶。後來知道他是西雅圖羅斯福高校爵士樂團出身,是全美國數一數二的高中爵士樂團。他和他弟弟兩人都是爵士樂家,大學都在西北太平洋最好的一所博雅教育學院主修化學,父親是西雅圖有名的環境法律師,他老爸,也攀岩。

典型的西雅圖中產階級男孩:興趣廣泛,有藝術人文素養,也有科學頭腦,又熱愛戶外運動(從攀岩,泛舟到滑雪)。伊才二十七歲,但對各項才藝的精通程度,讓人感覺他不是有美國時間,就是極度聰明。

他還會說尼泊爾文,有過一個尼泊爾女友,以及許多印度/尼泊爾裔的音樂家朋友。

他可能以為我是尼泊爾人。後來他跟我說尼泊爾人都長得跟我很像(補充說明:是長得跟東亞人很像),那時是我們第一次約出去見面。是相遇那天晚上我主動給他電話後,過一陣子剛好有西城時報(我投稿的報社)提供的亞洲交響樂節的票,我主動在抱石場邀他。

他說:西雅圖交響樂團?當然! 那天他穿了一件黑色的長版大衣(我身邊從來沒有男生這樣穿過),非常帥氣。他來攀岩場接我,我穿了一件黑色皮夾克,要比體面嘛台北長大的我也不能輸。

那也是我生平第一次寫類似樂評的文章,評論亞洲音樂節整體氣氛,音樂家的演出,還有對曲子的詮釋。我當時還在餐廳當服務生,記得那時下班後還在餐廳趕稿,要做的功課很多,求好心切,拖到半夜才終於寄給伊,請他幫我做母語語法的編輯。我在寫文章前請教他,完全被他精闢的見解說服,他當下的說辭,後來我在文獻裡一一印證,才知道這傢伙對於音樂的見解真的不是一般見識。

還好他當時在表演結束後問我What do you think?我沒有太嘴砲。在美國最怕的就是他們甚麼都可以問what do you think,對於表達能力欠缺訓練的我們,是許多人在留學時面對的一大挑戰。當然,你在社會上遇到的人可能發表的感想會欠缺深度,但在學校受高等教育的,基本上都可以清楚表達他們的看法。

他半夜馬上幫我改好文章(因為他隔天要去滑雪),還好心建議我去多看紐約時報的藝術評論。我看到他的編輯差點崩潰。我許多文章都被我美國朋友精闢地改過,但從來沒有人像他那麼豪無修飾直接的指教,我們也不過才相識兩個禮拜。

他有他的藝術細胞,但還好,我也有我的文化素養。也是從他身上讓我了解到我在美國的歷任室友到攀岩交到朋友,多半都欠缺藝術文化的薰陶。我想到我高中大學的教育,了解原來我在不知不覺之中,也被培養出一定的文化水準,只是在北一和台大,同儕也都是這樣,或有更甚者,沒有讓我了解到出社會後這樣的人成了少數難得的知音。

我想到我在西雅圖最交心的好友梅格,爸爸是海洋學家,媽媽是水彩畫家,她本身從畫畫到唱歌,從極限飛盤到登山嚮導,關心環境又祝重身體健康,也是健全的典型西雅圖中產階級人士。伊和梅格的朋友有許多相似之處,都是思想開放,興趣廣泛的時代青年。

而我在許多派對的場合見過梅格和伊的朋友,居然也和他們相談甚歡,想來奇怪,但仔細思考,真的是由於有在台北富足的文化生活,重視健康和運動的家庭,以及多才多藝有思想的台灣朋友們,才有今天的我。社會是這麼的不公平,也是這麼地現實。

伊缺少的是社會關懷,或甚至對人的基本關懷。和西雅圖的天氣一般,他就是這麼冷淡,或者說他有一種莫名奇妙的高傲,彷彿他做的是世界上最酷的事,沒有人可以理解,也不必要給人理解。所謂的酷。

想到以前在登山社遇到這樣的人其實不少。我走的勘察,我溯的溪只有我懂,成大清大交大最好都沒有人去過。台大登山社走的就是我們的路。

我進一步認識他是那天他突然打電話給我,邀我吃晚餐...










Sunday, May 12, 2013

A new page in my Seattle life!

So I never knew how much time I have for Seattle, until this past Monday-I got a job with the Seattle Parks Foundation (SPF). It happens so fast. As soon as I confirmed the job offer, I quit canvassing, and gave myself a week for transition. I didn't really do anything special, but just climbed, read, and caught up with some friends. Time for myself was all I need for celebration.

I've been going back and forth about staying in Seattle, or the US. For the past year, life has been so transient since graduation in June. I applied for 130 jobs, was offered a few second interviews in January, and got rejected by all of them in February. I made plans to travel or leave the country in March, while still applying for a few jobs that I meet almost all qualifications. Then I got interviews in April, and finally landed an ideal job in May.

Throughout the whole time, one thing I never stop doing is climbing and making/sustaining friends. Since job market has been giving me so much frustration and insecurity, I found climbing as the best activity for commitment, and friends that I share interests with are easier to stay in touch and give each other emotional support.

But I really, really never commit to anything but climbing. I moved around places, lived in different neighborhoods, changed several jobs, and was never ready to invest in stuff that I might not be able to take away if I were to move-like furnitures, outdoors gears, or relationships blahblahblah.

To work in the US as a foreigner is not easy. As currently I am on my student VISA, I can only work in my related field of study for a year. However, for those who study STEM (science, technology, engineering, and math) we can apply for an extension to work for another 17 months in the US. As for now I have found an employer that offers me a full-time job with benefits, I can work till January 2015 as a science major graduate.

In April next year, the employer would have to apply for a work VISA for me, and that will give me a few more years to work in the US. I was lucky enough to be chosen out of 289 candidates for this job with SPF,  an extremely forward-looking non-profit conservation organization based in Seattle. I was especially thankful because they have to go through an "e-verify" process with the immigration service to hire me. Obviously this is not a company like Microsoft and Amazon who have money and resources to hire foreigners.

The timing of this offer is great. I have worked for Environment Washington as a canvasser for two months, and was never sure how long I could stay working that job though I tried to stay positive. A week before I quit I cried after a frustrating day fundraising, I hated it when I tried to connect with people, and they just shrugged you off and told you they don't have money or time to protect forest.

I told the employer that I would love to have a job that put all my skills together-a job that involves creativity, interpersonal skills, working outdoors, and data management/project organization. Canvassing is more just interpersonal skill, while in grad school it was all about research/data. I used to intern for a conservation non-profit, while waitressing and doing a research assistant at the same time. Now I have it all in ONE job!!!

So yeah, commitment to Seattle. I never thought about it seriously before it happened. I remember when I first moved to Seattle from Taipei, a Korean girl sitting next to me on the airplane said "this will be your second home." I love Taiwan and have strong connections there, so I just smiled and said "ha, maybe". But who knows- about three years later I AM STAYING IN SEATTLE!

This is a big deal, eh? Getting your first real job in life in a place that you thought you'd never call home. After all, Seattle does have good things to offer besides the rain:

-Diversity: Seattle embraces diversity. It values multicultural communities to co-exist and live in harmony with each other. I enjoy the cultural life in Seattle where I can write for a bilingual newspaper, interview Asian restaurants, filmmakers, and actors, and attend concerts or film festivals that feature Asian themes. I can also make friends that value our cross-cultural friendship.

-Progressiveness: Seattle is very forward looking for sure. For a while I was joking about marrying someone so I can stay and go on adventures in the US. While relationships with boys can get complicated these days, I might as well marry a woman cuz it is LEGAL in Washington! But professionally, if you look at the numerous Seattle non-profits' websites, you can tell they are using facebook, twitter, multimedia extensively, and are constantly assessing if they are communicating information effectively. They also encourage a healthy lifestyle where employers, while interviewing, would ask you what do you do for fun.

-For the most part, I was just stunned by the fact that a local non-profit with only seven staff members would hire a non-US citizen to work with communities in Seattle on park projects. They are thrilled to offer me the position and are very willing to go through the complicated hiring procedures with immigration service. I don't know if this would happen outside of the conservation-focused and open-minded Northwest.

Here is a blurb of introduction written by my new employer, I am sooo excited to officially be part of the conservation community in Seattle!

"I’m delighted to share that we’ve just hired our new Foundation Coordinator, Kelly Huang.  We are super excited to welcome her to the SPF team. Kelly will be filling the shoes of Greta and will begin her fulltime position on Monday.  Kelly grew up in Taiwan where she received her BS in Geography. She moved to Seattle 3 years ago and received her MS in Environmental and Forest Sciences at the UW in 2012.  She’s been extremely busy over the past three years working and interning for many organizations including Environment Washington, Washington Wildlife and Recreation Coalition and Forterra.  She’s also been doing feature writing for Seattle Chinese Times.  You can take a peek at one of her stories here: shark fin soup and shark conservation
 We look forward to introducing you to Kelly at our upcoming meetings and events."
Many many thanks to all my friends in Seattle. I couldn't have done this without your support. And yeah I will finally be able to visit home later this year!!! Can't wait to see all my friends and family back home!!